Crackcanon

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Headcanon's that aren't actually canon. But so damn close that they could be.

Got some crack?! Find the pony and make a new sub-header under their name. Can't find the pony you're looking for? Add them with a new header!


Spring Showers

Spring Showers pays rent on the Vagrant's Barn

[Spring continues to pay rent on the Vagrant's barn.]
[Applejack continues to refuse the rent.]
[Applebloom accepts it for Crusading funds.]
“ Oh, uh... Yeah. Mah sister asked me to talk ta ya. 'Bout that rent ya said ya'd offer fer the weirdos in that ol' barn by the forest... 'Cause. It'd act'ally be a big help if yer still offerin'. Big sis just don't like askin' fer help is all, or acceptin' it. But if'n it'll make ya feel better ya can give it to me an' Ah'll give it ta her.”
—Applebloom to Spring Showers

“ So that's how the CMC funds all their equipment purchases”
—PhoneFlurry

Is Spring aware of what Applebloom is really using the money for?... We may never know.

Spades

Spades' medical history

Redheart has an entire filing cabinet dedicated to Spades in her office. Out front, he has his own drawer. It is also believed that Medical schools use him as a case study for training new doctors and nurses, even using a small blue earth pony logo to denote training material. This is mostly thanks to the contributions Redheart has made to the medical community by documenting such a vast array of medical emergencies and their procedures. Most everypony assumes its because Ponyville is so quiet, she has time on her hooves to write up theory, and considering the nature and extent of the material, think Redheart is probably a little /too/ enthusiastic in her studies. Nopony at Canterlot considers the cases to be real, let alone from the same patient.

“ Why does this pony have a whole section just for them?”
—Lifeline

Spades' eating habits

Spades is known to eat the mushroom known as White Blotted Stinkhorns, which are also affectionately known to Ponyvillians as Vileshrooms. Whilst not technically poisonous, and only rarely to cause effects such as heartburn, reflux, shortness of breath and cramping, they are possibly one of the least palatable foodstuffs known to Ponykind. Spades will happily yum them down, and either has non functioning taste buds, masochistic tendencies, iron willpower or a little of each. He claims that whilst they don't taste the best, he is grateful that he has food to eat and besides, they help build character.

“Spades can eat pretty much anything he can get down his throat hole.”
—Muir

Scribbles, the Unicorn

Secret Trysts

Unbeknownst to all (except probably Pinkie Pie), Scribbles often sneaks off with Ponyville's resident dressmaking artiste for the kinds of intense romantic trysts that only wacky, semi-arrogant fancy-haired unicorns enjoy.

“ Wah-hah-HAAAH~”
—Rarity

Brassy Beat

Brassy's Beat

Everypony thought Brassy Beat's cutie mark meant that she was going to be a star! But really, she got her cutie mark when she brained somepony with a saxophone. That day, she found her true calling... Crime! Today, Brassy is Equestria's politest mugger. She will play you a song, flirt with you, buy you lunch then take your bits and run off.

“ What a smooth crook.”
—IcicleGleam

“ As smooth as the Jazz she plays...”
—BrassyBeat

Meteorite

The Princess of Caneighda

Meteorite once answered a help wanted ad asking for somepony to take over the role of Princess of Caneighda. Apparently no pony else had wanted the job and when she walked into the throne room she found out why. It just sat there just... grinning at her, wheeszing and... Dripping? Every year, Caneighda's Princess Apricity disappeared to rejuvenate her self, leaving the country in the warm, cheesy grasp of her sister Poutine. Like so many ponies before her, Meteorite accepted the position.

But unfortunately, it was not meant to be. For Meteorite spent her days uncomfortably starting at the living block of cheese as she dripped, wheezed, and grinned. Meteorite grew more and more uncomfortable around Princess Poutine until one day, like so many ponies before her, Meteorite couldn't take it any longer and left.

“ I am your Princess now!”
—Meteorite

The Light Family

Feud with the Apples

They say the oldest living pony in Equestria is either Granny Smith, or Grandpa Light. The Light family boasts an impressive genealogy, dating back well into the pre-Nightmare Moon era. But the Apples claim a similarly impressive family tree, and often claim to be Equestria's biggest and oldest family. Members of the Light family disagree.

Grandpa Light and Granny Smith have kept the feud alive, and although there were rumors that the two may have once been romantically involved, whatever flame burned between these two has since turned to an intense rivalry. Grandpa Light curses beneath his breath whenever he sees an apple in the market. And Granny Smith narrows her eyes at every passing Pegasus Guard.

Beyond the family elders, most of the Lights and Apples get along well enough, even sharing some common grounds for the long roots of their family. Rivalry is usually good-natured, and neither side takes the feud seriously. However, they also do their best to keep Granny Smith and Grandpa Light away from these events... just better for everypony that way.

“ The Apples? Honest? Peh! If you want to believe their lies, than I've got a bridge to Cloudsdale I'd like to sell you. ”
—'Grandpa' Righteous Light

Disco Light

We don't talk about Disco Light.

“ We don't talk about Disco Light. ”
—Noble Light

Floodlight

The Haunting of Ming's Chineighse Theatre

Patrons often told of a ghost like blue and orange colt flitting around back stage of the small theater in Canterlot. The rumors became so wide spread within the cast and crew they began to make up stories of their encounters. Doors slamming, props moving, costume pieces going missing. They never realized it was just the little white colt running around under the blacklights without his cloak.

“ Chrome! Put on a cloak! The audience is gonna see you again! ”
—Ultraviolet

Trouble

Trouble's Enchanted Collar of Holding

The reason Trouble needs nothing but her collar is because her neck shares an interdimensional space that houses her inventory. Current contents are surmised to include various bits, gems, two scimitars, a shotgun, a tire iron, lockpicks, a tent, a refrigerator, a playstation 4, her book collection and copious amounts of cheese. She has not been able to access her inventory since Iron busted her collar, which may explain her descent into insanity via cheese withdrawal and computer game deprivation. On the positive side, she is now less likely to decapitate herself each time she sneezes.

“Is it a magic collar, miss?”
—Spades